Shattered Glass

I went on a walk today, I thought it would help but it didn't. I enjoyed it at first...I liked the sound of my boots hitting the cobblestone but after a while it kinda sucked. The neighborhood isn't made for walking clearly...it's all straight up and down hill and the cars come around the corners really hard. It was nice to get out of the house for a while though...but I still had to come back to it and it made me sad that I really didn't want to come back. I even stood out on the porch for ten minutes just to be in the open air. When I was coming downstairs for breakfast I saw Eren and Christine finishing up their's while Cavit was chatting with them. I asked them what they were up to and Eren said he was just talking to Cavit and Cavit said I was getting very good at Turkish and he thinks for every word he gives me in Turkish, I should give him in English. He says we should start learning from each other. I said it sounded great. Then Eren asked me sit down, I think it's interesting how he seems to like hearing what I have to say about things but has such a clear superiority complex over women. As they were leaving he asked me what my plans were and if I wanted to come out with them. "You're leaving right now" "I was going to ask you earlier but I didn't think it would work since we're meeting people with the agency later and you wouldn't be back in time for the kids." "So..." "You could get ready and meet up with us. Grab a cab?" "I don't have any money..." I felt so trapped. I have no phone, no money, I really wanted to go, the idea of getting out with young people was so exciting! But I'm STUCK here. I am in Istanbul, Turkey for God's sake and I can't even enjoy it! I thanked him for the invitation and wished them a good time. The kids had their playdates...it was awful. E and Jem (his friend) broke one of Df's figurines playing futbol and again, all hell broke loose. "This is my room! This is the second thing he's broken! I'm done! No more soccer!" I don't blame her. But E FREAKED out. This was AFTER I took the hard ball away they aren't supposed to play with inside ("This is MY room, I know what I can do in it." Thpz.) Again, I couldn't do anything because everything was in Turkish...Cavit came in and took over and took them upstairs to play Wii. He winked at me on his way out, he's my favorite. Then before bed, E broke a glass. When I think of tonight all I think about is the sound of shattering glass. I feel if they push me too hard at this point I might break as well. I'm so sick of this constant isolation from the people I'm around. It was chaos all night and I couldn't do anything. At eight, E came in to get chocolate and I said no, it's too late. He immediately began throwing a tantrum, tried to grab it from my hands and when that didn't work, screamed and yanked my shirt and sweater off my shoulder. I grabbed his arm, "We do not pull people's clothes and we do not yell. You have to go to bed in 30 minutes, it's too late." so he ran screaming to Vala. I heard my name as he whined at her and she brought him up the stairs. I looked at her, shook my head, and pointed at my invisible watch to indicate it was too late. Her response indicated, "Oh, it's ok, just let him do it." I was PISSED. I know she was just trying to help so he wouldn't scream at me anymore but if he keeps asking other people when he can't get what he wants from me, he'll NEVER start listening/taking me seriously. He turned around after she left and looked me in the eye and I'll admit I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster. I went down to the bathroom downstairs and locked the door, spending ten minutes trying to get my wits about me. Sheeren was bathing Df (my job) and Vala was changing E (my job)...I was just being pushed out of the way and I cared...but I didn't. I was so fed up, I just sat in the TV room, in silence. Finally, when they were in bed, I went in while Df read E a book and afterwards, at Df's request, I asked them questions about the book then she asked back. E was out before she finished and then I left them with just a "see you tomorrow." I finished Df's mane today and watched the Bucket List while I did it. Good movie, made me a little teary eyed. Now, I'm here hoping someone will sign on skype but this time change SUCKS so it's not going well. I might just go to bed. I have to get Df up for volleyball tomorrow at 7.