Ugh.

A four year old boy and his eight year old sister and their new au pair (only got here two days ago and doesn't know what the heck she's doing, poor girl). Apparently, they decided the kids were going to sleep here and the adults would take their nanny home when they were done playing.

Well, I didn't want to leave the nanny alone in a strange house by herself so I tried to stay up with her until they were done...but we fell asleep and woke up at 12:45 when I said I just had to go to bed because I had to get Df up for tennis is 6 hours. So I fall asleep 1:30 and then the little boys wakes up SCREAMING at 3 because he's scared and wants to go home. A kind of takes care of it but then disappears and he starts again. I go and rub his back until he stops (he doesn't speak ANY English by the way) and then she comes back and says "thanks, Caitlin."

I go back to bed and a boat horn goes off and he's screaming again. There is no A this time and he's successfully woken up all the other kids. Df comes in to ask if he wants to sleep in their bed but he says no. I go to bed again and 15 minutes later Df comes in to tell me he's in their bed. I fall back asleep about 4:30, go to get Df up at 7 only to find the little boy on her couch and the two girls on the couch in the living room. Apparently, they only made it in the bed for a couple hours before the boy fell out and landed on the couch...I don't know how the girls ended up in the TV room but obviously, Df didn't want to et up and was kind of rude.

So now, I've had like 4 or 5 hours of sleep and they're all up next to me on the couch, twittering in Turkish and there's no chance of sleep in site until I get the kids in bed tonight. I am so over being a nanny. Why can't parents be parents?

Poor New Nanny. She's french and didn't speak great English but I heard serveral times, "I hate children. I hate rich people." Poor girl, it's going to be a long summer for her. Well, for us all.

BUT, Laura and her family get back from Hillside today so we're going to try to plan something for the kids tomorrow. I haven't seen her in almost three weeks! So that's exciting. Then we leave Thursday for France. I'm going to ask for Wednesday off...and maybe buy my bedding from Zara with Dawn. That would be fun!

Staying positive!
Love from Turkey,
Caitlin

57 Days

So I came home this morning from my day off and E ran full force down the stairs and jumped into my arms with huge hugs and kisses. Then he said, "never go back to America." It melted my heart. Then I took him upstairs to get changed and he told me, "I missed you, Caitlin!" It reminded me how hard it will be to leave them.

Eren is here again, for the summer (A's little brother) and he said he can really tell he likes me, "you guys have a bond, it's obvious." I do love him a lot...like he's my child. It's kind of crazy. Also, since I haven't updated in a while and still don't really feel like it, here's a copy of a newsy email I sent my family when I got back from Fetiye. It's in South Turkey and there's a ritzy resort there named Hillside that we went to for a week.

So, back from Fetiye! It was a nice trip as far as trips go. I read Pride and Prejudice which I think is impressive considering the circumstances. Not bad...but certainly exhausting. The kids were usually up til 11:30-midnight but they slept til nine sometimes so that was nice. Df was given free reign to do what she wished at Hillside and was sent off with a phone. Which was nice because I was only responsible for E but all the freedom went to her head and made her the biggest brat I've ever seen her. We even got in a fight one night and the next day I told D he'd have to talk to her about being disrespectful because I didn't want to talk to her anymore. We interacted with each other with a mutual annoyance and fake civility for the rest of the trip...very sisterly I'd say.

E was fine, being with him for the whole week really made me recognize the progress we've made. When I would give him ten minute warnings (of having to leave or eat, etc.) he didn't complain and when I told him it was time to go he immediately told his friends goodbye. He thanked me for the things I did for him and the only temper tantrum he threw wasn't directed at me. I know they sound like little things, but they've taken months of work and are big deals for a six year old! Also, I realized that before coming here, I could never picture myself raising boys. Now, not only can I picture it, but I would prefer it. I think that's interesting. However, I did feel pretty bad tonight when she told me it bothered her how much time I spent with E and how we had a lullaby we sang together at night and I was reading with him so I never had time to read with her etc...I told her that's what happens when you're rude to people, they assume you don't want to spend time with them. "Oh" was my received response.

The biggest drawback was A, nothing in particular really, just a continuation of the already unrealistic expectations and shallowness as always. Luckily, we didn't spend too much time together so it's ok...I survived but am looking forward to the summer with exhaustion now that I know how it will be.

Tomorrow is supposed to be my day off but since the kids are out of school, I don't know when I'm allowed to leave and I've texted her since she's out at a party but she hasn't answered. I suppose I'll still get Df up for tennis at seven and just wait around...as usual. She's doing this Tennis accademy thing...it's Monday through Friday, twice a day 8:30-10:30 and 4-6 until August. Isn't that crazy? She's excited about it though.

We're leaving for France in a week or two. I think a week. A told me today, "you're getting to see the world with us" but she said in a way that made me feel like I was supposed to be indebted to her...maybe I'm not grateful enough...but I feel like it's a lot of work and I'm very tired.

Anyway, I love you all and hope this finsd you well.

Love from Turkey,
Caitlin

This Night is Wild, So Calm and Dull

Five jobs I have had in my life:
1. Babysitter
2. Hallmark Sales Associate
3. Consession Stands sales :)
4. Historic Print and Map...person
5. Nanny

Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Peter Pan
2. Phantom of the Opera
3. Finding Neverland
4. Top Gun

Five places I have lived:
1. Florida
2. Alabama
3. Ohion
4. Georgia
5. Turkey

Five places I have been:
1. Italy
2. London
3. France
4. Austria
5. Mexico

Four Favorite drinks:
1. Cranapple Juice
2. Hot Chocolate (done correctly)
3. Chai Tea Latte
4. Screwdrivers

Three People who email me regularly:
1. My Gramma
2. Tango Suzzie
3. Victoria Secrets :)

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Tacos
2. All meat pizza
3. Ravioli
4. White queso dip!

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. My old dorm room with Charry, Alex, and Kaleigh
2. My livingroom with my parents
3. Riversend with my whole family
4. My bedroom...by myself.

Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Seeing the Greek Isles
2. GOING BACK TO THE STATES
3. Moving into my new house!
4. Seeing my nephew

Four TV shows that I watch:
1. House (recent addict)
2. Grey's
3. Gossip Girl (unfortunately and embarrasingly)
4. Private Practice

Today is an Off Day

Today is an off day.

Today I think it's really stupid that they ring the doorbell to enter their OWN home.

Today I'm really annoyed at how HOT they keep their house and that I literally sit in my own sweat ALL DAY. As I type, I am wedged between my bed and the wall on my floor, trying to cool off on THE TILES.

Today, I'm upset that A just popped in and when she heard my voice she said, "Oh, you sound really mellow."

"It's just one of those days. I'm really tired."

"Oh?" and is confused because she can't imagine why my job would be trying...yet it's trying enough she CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO IT HERSELF.

Today, I am sad she told me that since her wedding day, she hasn't woken up to D beside her.

Today it really irritates me that I can't correct E's horribly annoying habit of laying on the table with his elbows when he eats because his father does the same thing.

Today I fell asleep on the porch and woke up to five Turkish men from next door just standing over me...I am sick of being stared at. I don't even look overtly NON-TURKISH!

Today I am sad Laura is gone on holiday and that half of my friends left for the summer.

Today A and D had a disagreement over his birthday and she purposefully did it in English which makes me really uncomfortable...

I think she's starting to get jealous. The feeling only crept up yesterday and it will probably pass and it's based on really tiny things...but it's how I feel.

Yesterday, she was complimenting me a lot...right down to the fit of my shorts...always a bad sign. Then, she reacted really strangely to Df's new obsession with my friend Charry. (It's really bizarre actually...because all the things she loves about Charry are what IIII love about Charry...she says she is very kind and gentle and sweet...which is all incredibly true, but how does she know these things?) Anyway, she was home sick yesterday so they got to skype and Df was really excited about it.

"Guess what?! Today I talked to Charry!!!"

A frowns, "Charry? Who the hell is Charry?"

"She's a friend from home." I say.

"Why is that her name?"

"She's Philopino and Americans can't pronounce her real name."

Df proceeds to tell her Charry's birth given name and why she changed it.

I tell her how funny it was how excited she was about it and how I wasn't even there, I played with E and they just talked and talked. Still frowning. (My thought is that it confuses her Df would take such an interest in my friends and my life but not A's...although, she doesn't appear to have any true friends to speak of)

Then, when E heard news at dinner he was excited about, he reached over and hugged and kissed me...not his mother. Etc. Tiny things like that but enough that I caught glimpses on her face that made me feel uneasy. I prayed that God would continue to direct our relationship and give me discernment between her feeling convicted and me overstepping. I would appreciate it if you did the same.

One of my best and dearest friends might take my job...she knows what it entails but today, I feel like I love her too much to let her do it...even though I think she would be really great at it. But how can I, in good conscious, let people I love walk into this, when I say over and over...this is not the kind of life I would wish on anyone. Living IN a family, but completely excluded from it. No privacy, no respect, no interest in your life, no life of your own and no chance at building one on one day a week, underpaid, underappreciated, responsibility waaaay beyond your years, surrounded by emptiness, materialism, and manipulation. Some days it makes me feel physically sick. Which makes me wonder, when I'm talking it up to her, is it for the right reasons? I just recently realized how much of my heart I've put into these kids and it kills me leaving them with someone who wouldn't do the same. But is it worth it? I say it is, but that's because I think I've been super jaded after being here for 5 months (yes, FIVE months)- my skin is thicker so I think my perception of what is ok is a little off. Like I say, "I'm ok with my life here." but we all know, I'm really not. Signing someone else up for a YEAR of that? I don't think so.

Anyway...now I'm rambling.

Today was an off day.

This has nothing to do with anything, I just really like this picture.

This is Cavit and Sirin on our super crazy night out.