"It's the Soul Afraid of Dying That Never Learns to Live"-The Rose, Bette Midler

So God definitely gave me a break yesterday. They were all going to the museum and it was this ritzy exhibition about Salvador Dali and there was limited space so I got to stay home! I showered, fixed my own lunch, watched some Friends, it was a nice break. Then when they got home, the kids were so tired that E slept for like two hours and Df just watched TV because she was feeling sick. All I did was sit with her...but it was hard to stay awake myself. "Don't sleep!" She jerked me. "I can't help it! How would you feel watching all these shows in some foreign language that are for people ten years younger than you anyway?! I'm doing the best I can!" So I got out my journal and started doodling. I was doodling Joshua 1:9 because it had been in my head lately and she was very confused. "What is that?" "It's a bible verse." "What's that?" "Ever heard of the bible?" "No." "Ever heard of Christians?" "No." "Ever heard of Allah?" "No." "Well now I just think you're lying." (I figured out today that it was because I was pronouncing Allah wrong that she didn't know what I was talking about.) She read the first part..."'Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous...' So are you saying that to God?" "No, I'm really more reminding myself." "Well then who is Joshua?" It was very strange to be having such a conversation and try to explain something to complex in a simple way to someone who has NO idea. I've never experienced something like that. It made me really REALLY want community with SOMEONE. Christine was the closest I had and she left this morning...it made me very sad :( When they got home I had been skyping with Mom and Dad so I didn't come to the door right away...I heard her calling me and came down. "Sorry! I was skyping with my dad!" D: "Oh! That's nice! She was talking to her dad!" A: "So you didn't hear me?" "No I heard you, I was just talking to my dad." A: "But you didn't come...so you must not have heard" "No..." She was clearly annoyed. D, God bless him, clearly didn't see the problem and thought she was confused so she even tried to explain it to her in Turkish...if it would have been appropriate for me to laugh, I would have. While I helped her take the kids shoe's off she said told me "well, it's ok since we were with them but I would expect you come greet the kids when we're not." "Of course, I always do, I knew I didn't need to since you were with them..." And I just thought it was silly that she herself was saying I didn't need to do such a thing but for some reason, was bothered when I didn't do it. "So how are things at home?" "Oh they're good...Dad's trying to order me the Turkish Rosetta Stone since I've been so frustrated with the language barrier" I was hoping that would be a good lead in to talking about why I felt this way but all she said was, "Really? Because the other nannies after being here for three months were ok." Oh really, three months?! How do you think they felt before that?! I've only been here a week and I feel so isolated it's not even funny. I can't imagine three months! So needless to say, I decided not to say anything else as now was clearly not the time. Anyway, it was tough getting them to bed...E had slept so long so he wasn't too tired by bed time AND for whatever reason, A got in this mood to put on old songs and sing at the top of her lungs. She used to take singing lessons and while I would not say she is fantastic, I think she can certainly carry a note. What's intriguing about it though is how, despite the number of people in the house, she had no fear. My favorite was when I looked up and saw Vala clearing the table and she had to duck out to avoid from being heard laughing. Her favorite words are to the Rose (hence my subject line) Oh yeah! Dinner! So I came downstairs and Christine and I looked at the table then at each other then back at the table and sat at the end apprehensively. Piled on a huge plate were several, cooked yet completely in tact (eyes and all), giant sea bass. I sat down while they took my plate and fish and cut everything up for me...I have never consumed a fish in this fashion and was very nervous about it. I took a bite like I was instructed and got the largest mouthful of bones. It was terrifying! They are so small and sharp and very dangerous! A asked if I could eat the whole thing and I said there was no way. She told me next time that if something was put on my plate and I couldn't eat it, I should say, "hold on please, please take some back, I can't eat all of this." because she didn't want to waste it. I told her I'd be happy to do so now but she said, "no, you have already touched it with your fork." So that was that. I did the best I could to eat as much as I could but the bones were tricky! Christine had an even harder time than I did! Anyway...we got them to bed (it was a family effort), decided Df wouldn;t be going to school, and I headed off to bed. I was just going to say hey to Mom and Dad for a little bit then sleep as much as I could (I usually go back to sleep after the kids leave but I wouldn't be able to since Df was home) but Chase was on! So we skyped and it was magical! It was so wonderful to talk to someone not only my own age that spoke English but to speak and to laugh! It felt so good to laugh! And to talk about things that mattered to me and it be a real two-sided conversation. It was so good for my heart, I just can't even tell you. Also, I think it was God's way of reminding me who I was. I feel like I'm just fading into the background here but to talk to someone who knows that's not who I am, who wanted to laugh and joke with me and who cared what I had to say...it made me wake up a little. I will continue to have good and bad days obviously, but I'm really going to try and take the bull by the horns now and make this better. I will do what I can to learn the language, I'll try to get the guts to be firm and assertive with A when the time is right so she knows I am not just...Maytag :) I think I can do this. Well for today anyway :) Today has been easy...Df went back to bed after E left so I did too. Christine popped her head in my room and told me she was going and left her email address on my floor. "Don't get up! But be strong, everything will be great!" Then Df came and got me up an hour later and we watched TV until A came in, gave me some directions and got ready for work. She said, "so you've been here a week now! Are you bored?" "No, but I do get cabin fever pretty bad." "Well, you'll get to go out with the kids next week since they are out of school but before that, I'll see about someone taking you to the shopping mall." Which would be great because I need to pick up some things...but notice, she did not follow "you've been here a week" with "so we need to pay you" so that is also something I'll need to talk to her about soon. So anyway...I found a Turkish English dictionary on the table! So after A left Df and Cavit played with it with me then we read an English book for a little while and then we watched George of the Jungle now here I am! Well, I better go help her with some English homework. What I Learned Today: I think Shereen and Cavit are married! He kissed her this morning in front of me and it would explain why their day off is the same and why he was so attentive when she passed out. Intesting huh?!