Maytag

So yesterday was the longest day EVER. This playdate they were supposed to go on for the afternoon...didn't end until 7 o'clock! We were there for six hours! With four kids, one of which didn't speak English...and wouldn't stop eating. The little girl, I didn't really care for...she elbowed me in the eye when she sat infront of me and didn't say sorry or even turn around. Df got bored fast because they were both E's age and younger and E acted up because there was less for him to do in a smaller space. These people were old neighbors but moved to an apartment...which believe me, was no downgrade. Everything in this house was made of green marble...including the toilets (and the sinks which had gold dolphin faucets). When we got there I felt so out of place, what was I supposed to do? Hover over them while they played? Alsli asked if I was uncomfortable and I just said I didn't know what to do. "I know, it is hard because you've never nannied before...but you've babysat!" I've babysat in ENGLISH! I'm growing more and more frustrated with the fact that she doesn't seem to understand the weight this problem carries. Yes, when they speak directly to me, everything is fine, but I can't mediate arguments, I can't speak to the nannies/butlers at other people's houses, I can't gage situations between the kids because they won't speak in English around me, I can't grow close to the family because they only speak English when speaking directly to me, I can't establish authority with the rest of the staff at the house because we can't speak to each other...the list goes on and on. I really need to just sit her down and talk to her about it but I was so ridiculously emotional yesterday (even the thought of my family sent me over the edge) I knew I couldn't go through with it and keep my diginity in tact...so I just decided to wait. I think it mostly upsets me because for her, it isn't a problem and that's she cares about. What she wanted was someone to talk English to the kids...she never concerned herself with how it would effect whoever she hired...and is yet to do so. Anyway, everytime I thought we were about to leave (A came in and said "half hour") two hours later Eren and Christine showed up! I walked into the living room and A and her friend had a huge glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other and were blaring music, dancing around the living room. Okaaaay....I turned around and walked back out of the room. Christine came back to visit just in time to hear E yelling about playstation, she tried to calm him down only to be greeted with more screaming. She looked at me, shocked (most people don't get to be graced with the screaming as much as I, poor souls). "This must be so hard for you". I didn't say anything. On the way home, A told me she had a surprise for me! A Turkish/English dictionary?! "Gossip girl! SEason one!" Are you joking? "That could be fun" That night before they went out she showed me all the DVDs she'd bought off the black market that day. "I think you're addicted. I'll save this Gossip Girl for you." "Yes! Save it so we can watch it together and chat!" This is what bothers me...I understand that in public she has to be firm with me because it's important for her to seem incharge of all the people she has working for her. Fine. But she doesn't even look at me when she's speaking to the table. Rarely, makes eye contact unless she's giving me an order or correcting me. But at night, when the kids are in bed, she wants to watch DVDs with me, chat, ask me what she should do about her class work and I sit there and rationalize with her until she's come to a conclusion. That's all well and good but I hate that it feels like I'm making progress then it confuses me that much more when she treats me like an accessory the next day. Dad put it perfectly...to her I am just an appliance. If there was an appliance that could do what I do, she would have it. I am replaceable, dispensible, etc. And it's true...I am treated exactly like that. I mean, I like my laundry machine, but I like what it can do for me more. I don't treat it BADLY persay, but I don't treat it kindly because it isn't a person, it has no emotions or feelings. I, ladies and gentlemen, am a Turkish laundry machine. PS E fell asleep on the way home and then slept on the couch...he wouldn't eat his dinner and screamed his head off at me when I tried to wake him up. D (who came back from Switzerland today) came out of his room and handled it. I told him he had to take a bath...again, screaming. D handled it. Took him into the bathroom and everything, "I'll do it" he looked at me and winked, "no, I think he needs me to do it, we have missed each other". I was very grateful and it solidified that D got Korcut's kindness. He's a good man, Yilsum was right.