To Live Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure...: "Wonder is the Basis of Worship"- Thomas Carlyle

There are many things I am wondering tonight...but I want to say the first one while it is still fresh in my memory.

I am wondering if, at the ripe old age of 83, Korkut Arikoglu ever gets a liiiiiittle bit drunk. Because I answered the phone tonight and can only think of that to explain our conversation. That or Jesus :)

"Alo?" I said, because I thought it was Cavit downstairs.
"Damarcem?" (Damar-gem. Like "Damar, sweet heart" or something along those lines.)
"Hi Korkut, It's Caitlin"
"Oh hello, Caitlin. How are things?"
"They're very good thank you, how are you?"
"Oh fine, fine. I have something I would like to say to you. Here is what I would like to say to you." (Said so resolutely it was as if it has been his only intention when picking up the phone)
"Ok, tell me."
"You grow more and more beautiful every time I see you."
"Oh..." and I pause awkwardly, not necessarily because it was an akward thing to say, but because it was akward coming from Korkut, who is so gaurded and rarely says anything to me that doesn't fall under the category of "Old stories I have told you four times previously". And last week, getting on the boat at his house, he looked at me and said what I thought was, "You are so pretty, never change" but I thought it was so strange for him to say it that I assumed he meant Df because it was followed with him wrapping his arms around Df and saying "They make such a pretty family together" I assumed I misheard and he meant that Df was so pretty, because she is.
"Well, thank you Korkut, that is very kind."
"No, it is true. Even every one around me says it, 'Who is this beautiful girl?'"
"Oh.How funny"
"Even just since the first time I saw you, the very first week, you have become more beautiful."
"No, I'm sure..."
"Every month, more and more."
"Well, thank you very much."
"I think the climate of Turkey must suit you."
"Perhaps."
"When are you leaving? Next month D tells me."
"That's right."
"I am very sorry about this.We will miss you very much."
"Oh, well..." and just like that, before I could even answer...
"Is D around you?"
"Just one second, let me find him for you."

And that was that. As much as I am grateful for such kind words, I can't help but be confused by it. Not just because since being here, I have never felt so UN-beautiful in my life (and trust me, that is saying something) but because noticing beauty implys you have seen someone. And here, no one sees me. Even if they look at me, they don't see me. I am easily identified as "the help" in one glance with my cheaper clothing and my messy hair and my lack of make-up and manicured hands and I never get so much as a side-ways glance after that.

Even with the family, they are nicer about it, but it's just different shades of the same. Which makes me hope, that if he wasn't just a bit tipsy, it's the light of the Lord in me that would make people wonder what has made me appear different since coming here. It is the joy and the confidence the Lord has been nurturing inside of me since He brought me here and it's a light that is shining in dark places. And these people, God bless them, have no idea what that looks like so therefore, cannot identify it. Beauty is essentially the highest thing to aspire to in Turkish culture, so maybe that is the only adjective they can think to use to attach to such a pure thing: light-God's light. That is my prayer anyway. I'm not allowed to speak, I'm barely allowed to move, so I pray to God He can make me shine...just a bit. You know, inspite of the cheap clothes and messy hair :)

Anyway, the other thing I am wondering, is how I should I feel about my dear friend Jessica Dodd taking my job next month. I told her everything I could to get her to forget about it but was unsuccessful. Then today, after a lot of back and forth between the three of us, (Dodd, A and myself) through texting, facebook, email, and skype...A finally called her today. I texted her to ask about my day off and she called me, "Caitlin, I have great news!"

"I was available at 2 to call your friend and we did and we spoke and it looks like she's coming!"
"What?"
"Yeah! She sounded really sweet and she said she wanted to spend a week with her family before coming but could be here around the 18th so then you guys can be together for a couple days to get her situated!"
"But like...you talked about everything?" (Mostly because if Dodd stuck to the price for salary we talked about, I couldn't imagine A doing it...AND sounding GENUINELY excited about it)
"I did! I told her everything! I told her how hard it was for you in the beginning with the language barrier and the distance and how you missed Christians and how there was a church you found but that I had to be honest in that we would want her here most Sundays but she could go sometimes and I asked her how she felt and she told me yes she did practice Christianity but she understood" and she tells me all this so fast and without a breath I couldn't help but smile at her excitement. It was so genuine and rare...I couldn't figure it out.
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe this!"
"I know! We've been so worried! Because we're all going to miss you so much and especially Emre D and I were talking about that last night that it's going to be so hard for him but now he will a piece of you still and we can all keep in touch and maybe you could come next summer for holiday!"
"Maybe?" I was so overwhelmed and surprised after we hung up the phone I just stood motionless infront of the window.

My first instinct was joy...and I pray that was of the Lord. I felt joy because I love and trust Dodd so much, it would make me feel so much better knowing the kids were with someone who would love them like I love them. And she has such a servant's heart I know she can handle D and A. She isn't phased by things like I am and I know Cavit, Sirin, and Elyda will love her. Also, now it will be a link I can keep to the Arikoglu's for at least another year. But on the down side...the feelings that followed was saddness and dread and what I know is to come for. I even asked A if, considering she was committing for a whole year, there would be time for her to go home and see her family and she said, "we didn't talk about that, but no. We can't fly her there and back twice."
"I see."

So I wonder if they talked about pay to because I think A is expecting Dodd to ask for the same and she's not. Which is why I said, "let's not tell the kids until it's set in stone." and she agreed and said she would need to talk to D first but as soon as Df walks in with A that night she says, "Jessica Dodd is coming to us!"
"Is she?" I look at A.
"Ok, I told her, but we won't tell E."

I told A later I was excited because I love them so much, it makes me feel better knowing someone else I love will be with them. I hope if I keep talking it up, and if they really respect me as much as they say...they'll be better to her than they were to me from the get-go. I had to work my @$$ off for A's respect, and it's only just now in little things that I can tell I've got it. Even Eren said, "it will be so much easier for her than it was for you."
"God willing." was all I said.

So anyway, I'm praying for peace and that God's will be done. Selfishly, I just don't want to part with her for a year either.

Actually, I think today was just one big present from the Lord. E and I spent the morning and afternoon with Laura and her E and had a nice time. We went to the trampolines, honked at the sleeping trampline man and scared the Bajeezus out of him, played in the arcade, saw Ice Age 3 in 3D (in Turkish), ate lunch, went bowling, got an ice cream. Cavit picked us up and dropped them off and the three of us went to Migros (grocery story) and I bought my Activia yogurt and soy milk! We came back and E fell asleep so I had all this extra time to journal and wrap my head around things. I had time to pray and pray for others and answer prayer requests and doing that in various ways was the first time, in a looooong time, I felt the Lord speaking to me...just a little bit.

E slept until dinner then we all ate and talked in English almost the whole time! We laughed and talked around the table afterwards and it was truly enjoyable. Even if they were just buttering me up on account of Dodd, I will take it because it was lovely. Then I got the kids in bed without problem and now here I am.

AND A told me that instead of taking tomorrow off, I CAN STAY HERE THIS WEEKEND WHILE THEY GO OUT ON THE BOAT! They invited some other people so they don't really have room for me...so they'll be gone Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and come back Monday night. So it's like three days off. She said one can count for this week, one for next week, and then one extra. I am so pumped! The last weekend I did this was great, but I didn't really know anyone. But now, I have lots of friends and I can't even choose which to do! I do know though, that if I can, I'm dedicating one whole day to a Grand Bazaar adventure so I can buy all my presents in one fell swoop and pack the extra luggage I'll have to buy and store it while they aren't here. It will be sooo much easier and then I'll barely have to do anything when I get back from Bodrum and I won't have to ship a single package. It's such a wonderful relief, I can barely stand it. God is so good. Also, I must go out at least one night while I have the chance to actually dress up and look like a girl and stay out as late as I want...with people I now know and trust.

I'm so thankful right now...I hope I hold on to this in the business and chaos of tomorrow.
Anyway, there's my update for now.
Sorry they are so few and far between these days...there's just no time.
No. Time.
I'll leave you with some pictures.
Love from Turkey!