57 Days

So I came home this morning from my day off and E ran full force down the stairs and jumped into my arms with huge hugs and kisses. Then he said, "never go back to America." It melted my heart. Then I took him upstairs to get changed and he told me, "I missed you, Caitlin!" It reminded me how hard it will be to leave them.

Eren is here again, for the summer (A's little brother) and he said he can really tell he likes me, "you guys have a bond, it's obvious." I do love him a lot...like he's my child. It's kind of crazy. Also, since I haven't updated in a while and still don't really feel like it, here's a copy of a newsy email I sent my family when I got back from Fetiye. It's in South Turkey and there's a ritzy resort there named Hillside that we went to for a week.

So, back from Fetiye! It was a nice trip as far as trips go. I read Pride and Prejudice which I think is impressive considering the circumstances. Not bad...but certainly exhausting. The kids were usually up til 11:30-midnight but they slept til nine sometimes so that was nice. Df was given free reign to do what she wished at Hillside and was sent off with a phone. Which was nice because I was only responsible for E but all the freedom went to her head and made her the biggest brat I've ever seen her. We even got in a fight one night and the next day I told D he'd have to talk to her about being disrespectful because I didn't want to talk to her anymore. We interacted with each other with a mutual annoyance and fake civility for the rest of the trip...very sisterly I'd say.

E was fine, being with him for the whole week really made me recognize the progress we've made. When I would give him ten minute warnings (of having to leave or eat, etc.) he didn't complain and when I told him it was time to go he immediately told his friends goodbye. He thanked me for the things I did for him and the only temper tantrum he threw wasn't directed at me. I know they sound like little things, but they've taken months of work and are big deals for a six year old! Also, I realized that before coming here, I could never picture myself raising boys. Now, not only can I picture it, but I would prefer it. I think that's interesting. However, I did feel pretty bad tonight when she told me it bothered her how much time I spent with E and how we had a lullaby we sang together at night and I was reading with him so I never had time to read with her etc...I told her that's what happens when you're rude to people, they assume you don't want to spend time with them. "Oh" was my received response.

The biggest drawback was A, nothing in particular really, just a continuation of the already unrealistic expectations and shallowness as always. Luckily, we didn't spend too much time together so it's ok...I survived but am looking forward to the summer with exhaustion now that I know how it will be.

Tomorrow is supposed to be my day off but since the kids are out of school, I don't know when I'm allowed to leave and I've texted her since she's out at a party but she hasn't answered. I suppose I'll still get Df up for tennis at seven and just wait around...as usual. She's doing this Tennis accademy thing...it's Monday through Friday, twice a day 8:30-10:30 and 4-6 until August. Isn't that crazy? She's excited about it though.

We're leaving for France in a week or two. I think a week. A told me today, "you're getting to see the world with us" but she said in a way that made me feel like I was supposed to be indebted to her...maybe I'm not grateful enough...but I feel like it's a lot of work and I'm very tired.

Anyway, I love you all and hope this finsd you well.

Love from Turkey,
Caitlin