:(

I have a lot to do and I don't want to do any of it :(

Human Emotion Exam tomorrow.
Epic Bullying Presentation to rowdy after-schoolers.
7 Page Research Paper due Monday.

And that is only the near-sighted doom.
Don't even get me started on next week.

A New Hobby

So, I've decided I want to make more of an effort to update this...

not Turkey status by any means, but an improvement.

I don't know why I've decided this but I have.

So, last post I talked about our Post Secret event. Unfortunately, due to an emergency with a friend, I was unable to attend but I heard it went pretty well. A couple people got up and shared secrets they used to have and how God had redeemed them and it was apparently really powerful. I also heard there were a lot of new faces who asked a lot of questions so it sounds like it served the purposes it was supposed to. Thanks for all of your prayers and support.

So, this weekend has been such a wonderful break in the busyness that has been the last couple of weeks. Friday morning Debrah and I woke up early to do our newly established workout routine (8 am workouts Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) then came back, showered, got ready for the day, and went to the new bagel place! It has a real name, but I just call it the Bagel Place. I skipped my first class (I felt I had earned it...) so we took our time chatting and enjoying our Friday treat :)

I went to my one class, met Ryan (for bagels...at the same place. And I wasn't even embarassed to walk in again), met with Rob (my small group co-leader) to pray for our small groupers, then that night my roommates and I spent some glorious Roommate Time together because we hadn't in so long. Kat's niece, Bria, was here for the weekend so she joined us. We picked up dinner and ate it in the living room and listened to music and painted nails. After Bria went to bed we watched Coco Before Chanel. It's a french film we rented from Redbox that we got because Audrey Tautou was in it and we love her! Amelie...you must see it. Also, I thought the story would be interesting. I'm sure it would have been had I not fallen asleep early on, but from what I saw, I would still recommend it :)

Saturday morning we got up bright and early (9:30...early for a Saturday!) and made the three hour drive to Plant City for the Strawberry Festival. I don't know what we were thinking, but we did it. Also, I don't know what I was thinking either. I am so directionally retarded that I didn't even know how close I was to my grandmother in Lakeland until we drove through it on our way there! OR how close I was to my sister who took my nephew there the NEXT day! I am absurd. Anyway, pros: it was like, 15 degrees warmer there and the weather was perfect!

-It was quite possibly, the biggest fair I've ever been to.

-We went with a kid which made it 100x better.

-Kat brought her fancy camera and I got to play with it (pictures to come later)

-There was fair food!
-Strawberry Themed!

Cons:

-There was fair food. I ate a lot of it.

-It was 6 hours of driving for 3 hours of play :/

-It was crazy expensive...ten dollars for two rides!

-I wasn't drowning in strawberries as I had hoped for.

But I'm still glad we did it. This is a picture of one of the two rides I went on. (The other was the swings...a timeless favorite). This one didn't look to scary until I was hanging upside down next to Bria, feeling my colar bones crush, and wondering how well the carnie folk had put this baby together.

Today Debrah and I got up and went to church at Coquina. Today they appointed their elders so it was an emotional day but very good. The thing I admire about this church is how bibilcally they try to do things.It's refreshing to see churches living that way.

Debrah and I came home, heated up some lasagna leftovers and watched two episodes of Dexter. One of our two DVD series guilty pleasures. I will confess the other one at a later date.

Then Kat and Debrah went on a short jog and I headed off to Barnes and Noble which has become a once a week (sometimes bi-weekly, depending on the stress level) trip. I order a white peach Harney and Sons tea, grab a little table, mute my phone, pop in my iPod, journal my worries away, then read a chapter of Forgotten God by Francis Chan. First of all, there is something to be said for sitting in the chaos of people chatting and milling about, but hearing nothing but your favorite Josh Garrels (which I highly recommend) or Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. It's so peaceful.

Also, Forgotten God is, at the risk of sounding super Christian cheesy...changing my life. I put off reading any Francis Chan books because it irriated me how a big chunk of the Christian community has, for lack of a better word, idolized the man. However, I have noticed the spiritual emptiness I've been feeling since returning from Turkey has been a product of straight up, not understanding who the Holy Spirit is. I get God. I get Jesus. But the whole Holy Spirt thing just baffles me...so I pushed it aside. I'm realizing that my faith will quickly burn out though when it is running on such superficial fuel. One day I off handedly picked up a copy and read the back, feeling as though someone was talking straight to me. Francis Chan doesn't write about anything the Bible doesn't already tell you. However, I could never wrap my mind around what I had already read there and he helps aply it to life in a pretty fool-proof manner. I am loving it and already seeing how my relationship with the Spirit is improving just from four chapters! I really recommend it, it's a quick and easy read!

Anyway, I came home to an empty house. Straightened up my room, read old mail on possible scholarships for grad. school, brochures I've been given on various schools, etc. and felt overwhelmed by my future and decided to blog instead :) Now, I should quick and do something actually productive like...homework.

Also, I've decided, as of today, that I was to grow my hair out long enough for Locks of Love.

Also also, I skyped with Df the other day and it was way exciting! And to all of you who want to know, they have gotten a new nanny from England and Df says she is good to them So that's that.

Love to all of you!

In the spirit of the Lenton season:

"Gather round, here the sound
of a story that's so old that it's been told
Before time
He was born in the flesh and in the blood
In a world that was dark as hell, and dead in sin
Born of the spirit, and the virgin child
He's the son of God, son of Man
I didn't recognize that look in his eyes
When they cried
With a sorrow that no man has ever known.
Hang him high, watch him die, hear the cry
Crucifed up on that God Forsaken tree
And all who have breath can sing
When we layed your body down
In the earth and in the ground
Oh Lord, rest your bones
With all hope be made good
If your words are understood
In the day, will we see you again?
Oh "Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?"
Oh my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
-Josh Garrels, Good Friday

Post Secret 2

(Read Post Secret 1 before this...scroll down)

Me and my friend (Stella) are planning Monday's Common Ground event and it has turned into a doosy...campus wide Post Secret. (remember those books Caitlin Clark gave me...people send in their secrets on postcards and they were printed in books. www.postsecret.com) Well, we're doing that too. Three of us shoved postcards into 1,300 mailboxes yesterday that said:

Flagler College Post Secret
Fill out this notecard with a secret, confession, anything. The only stipulation is that you've never told anyone. Turn them in to the drop boxes in the Gazebo Wednesday and Friday and come see these anonymous secrets displayed on Monday at InterVarsity's Common Ground (8:30 in the Gamache-Koger Theater). In light of God's redeeming power, Intervarsity will be praying over each card. All are welcome.

We have printed and hand cut 3,000 post cards, placed them in every student mailbox, in piles in the student center, library, Kenan Hall, and all dorm buildings. We've given them out at IV events, small groups, and to strangers. Ryan and I had to personally persuade the dean to allow us to use the mailboxes after he said no (it was really God). Stella and I spent four hours today making a display to put up in the gazebo tomorrow and Friday. My blood and sweat have literally gone into this project because it's something I believe in. I believe in the heartbreaking need on this campus for students to see God as a Redeemer...as the one who wants to carry our burdens and heal our hurts...ESPECIALLY when we think no one else will.

But I'm having a hard time not getting discouraged. Already my friends in Lewis (the guy's dorms) have told me how all the guys are fully taking advantage of this opportunity to be as obnoxious and perverse as possible. I knew that would happen but just now, I was checking the event's wall on facebook (we invited everyone in the Flagler network) and a girl had posted this on our wall"

Post Secret 3

"'why do you think these secrets are going to be so horrible you need to pray over them? god forbid a college student does anything that YOU deem 'sinful'. why cant this just be about opening yourself up to new concepts and ideas and realizing that everyone faces struggles in their lives that most people never see and why cant it just be a cathartic experience without you dragging god into it and acting like just because someone has a secret they need to be prayed over?? you can keep your god and your prayers thanks"

I don't know why it bothered me so much...I should have forseen this reaction but I could just feel the anger in what she was typing and it made me sad...because I think a lot of people are really angry, Dad. And suddenly, I'm kind of afraid to go out there at 9:15am and set up a display that might have to withstand six hours of this attitude. I know that Satan is just using this to discourage me or scare me. But I'm still a little nervous.

Anyway, I'm sorry I'm email-rambling. I think I've just been awake too long...I know you know the feeling better than me :) But if you could pray for us this week, we'd really appreciate it. Tomorrow and Friday is when we're out on campus collecting them and talking to people so just pray that if anything, good and GENUINE conversations take place and the real purpose we're doing this is evident. The big event is Monday so be praying we remember the success of this event has nothing to do with how many cards are turned in but whether or not any one (literally, if it's only one person I would be satisfied) pauses to think and consider the need for a redeemer in their life. If you could ask your friends to pray also, that would be appreciated as well.

Post Secret 1

I haven't written in forever...I'm sorry. I'm terrible at these things.
But there is something I'm desperate for prayer on so I'm asking all of you.
Since I'm too lazy to type it all out...I copied pieces from an email I just sent to my Dad...as per usual. For some reason, it wouldn't let me copy the whole things so the two posts below this are everything.

Thank you so much and I hope this finds you all well.

Visit http://www.postsecret.com/ if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Love to you all.

Turpentine

This song probably has the top plays on my iPod right now.

I watch you grow away from me in photographs
And memories like spies
And salt betrays my eyes again
I started losing sleep and gaining weight
And wishing I was was ten again
So I could be your friend again

These days we go to waste like wine
That's turned to turpentine
It's six AM and I'm all messed up
I didn't mean to waste your time
So I'll fall back in line
But I'm warning you we're growing up

I heard you found some pretty words to say
You found your little game to play and there's no one allowed in
Then just when we believe we could be great
Reality it permeates
And conquers from within again

These days we go to waste like wine
That's turned to turpentine
It's six AM and I'm all messed up
I didn't mean to waste your time
So I'll fall back in line
But I'm warning you we're growing up

We're okay,
I know we're okay.

A Girl and Her Dog

"Careful where you look or stare
through eyes that will break your hearts,
and open their dirty hands to your grace
those in need we will face"
-A Boy and His Kite, "Sympathy"

I was listening to this song in a quiet tim when I started thinking.

I feel like we, as a safe, well-fed, protected people, are afraid to look away from ourselves. We are so careful where we stare because of the high risk that there will be eyes staring back that will break our hearts. These eyes are not safe, not well-fed, not protected. These eyes hold so much knowledge of hurts gone by and evils still coming that we trembled withnin our heated homes, pulling our clothes tighter to our thriving bodies only registering the slavery stitched into the fabric as a faint scratch against our polished skin. Those eyes are simutaneously full of fight and full of fear, reminding us so much of our insignificance that we are the ones racked with terror. So instead we are very cautious where we gaze. We overt our eyes back to our dinners, we change the channel, and look steadiliy at our own faces in the mirror- smoothing our hair and pinching our cheeks in preparation for another day of overted glances at each other and none outside of ourselves.